adderblogger

"Here's to a good woman, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them" - dedicated to mothers and daughters everywhere.

Friday, August 04, 2006

out of the closet - with adult ADD


I have known for most of my adult life that I do indeed have adult ADD; believe me, you just know these things. I didn't need anyone to tell me. Before there was alot of publicity about it - some years ago! - I knew I was different. But I tried to hide it and act normal.

I have actually spent most of my life trying to sit still...really.
While I excel at many things; such as strength training (my new, one-year-old passion!!!) ...sorry, I just got up for a moment to pace and try to come up with other things I excel at....

Well, it will be easier to tell all the things I suck at; like sitting through an entire movie, or staying in any seat for long (air flights are very interesting and require alchohol or meditation).
Do you know how many adult activities and real life requirements are based on being still and FOCUSED?!?

I went and was formally diagnosed about 6 years ago; I took their written analysis and promptly filed it away. I was already using all of the tools (planners with me always!/sticky notes in every conceivable place/a job that allowed me to be the boss and make my own decisions). I was doing "ok" - just alot of generalized anxiety.
I pleaded with my family doctor and recieved some anti-anxiety meds. Wow! It really worked. For awhile. I found out what it was like to be able to stay put in one place, more or less. Whole lectures were enjoyed! I could stay at parties...if I arrived late.

It isn't like I'm a total loser. I did manage to obtain an MBA, though it took a very long time, because I wouldn't stay put in most classes. The longest I have ever worked at one type of career is three years...unless you count - and I do! - stay at home MOM.

But time is speeding by. And it has thrown some curve balls my way lately. I can't cope...and I can't think. Maybe medicine will help. It does feel like I have to try it. Most of all I feel so sad if this - reality as I experience it - will be my whole life

Today I took my first adult ADD med - adderal.

I went for a walk a few hours later. I was about half-way through when I realized - this was just a walk. Mildly enjoyable, sun felt good (it is 103 out), heard some kids playing...but wait, what the hell was going on?! Where are all the different ideas and clash of thoughts that normally swirl my mind? I am imaging it? Was the medicine already at work?!?

Now, there are alot of "I" statements in this post. It will be so very excellent to get out of my head a bit more - not think so much - and just live. No! I want more than that!!!!

My new life motto -

"Here is what I know to be true; when you step out and take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular!"

K

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